When I was young my mom taught me life usually comes in threes. She said life is who you get it from, who you give it to and of course yourself. I learned the value of the first two early on.. but spent the following 20+ years wondering why the first two were most cherished by society when most of my time is spent searching for myself, as though something as simple as what I was born with is the most I have to be proud of myself. A philosopher named Michael Brady suggested that suffering motivates reflection, he further explained reflection in negative experiences generates growth and wisdom. I have these vivid memories where I was constantly reminded to be gentle, play nice, watch my tone, be respectful and act like a lady…characteristics of emotional labor described by a philosopher named Sara Bartky where she argued emotional labor to be a form of deference to the person on the receiving end by reasserting their superiority. Historically, stereotypical roles in society created a low standard to differentiate women from men. Often portraying women as soft, emotional, and weak. Why do we only teach young girls to be gentle, to be nice? Bartky argued that women are harmed when they engage in unreciprocated emotional labor. If weakness makes me a target than my willingness to fight is avoidance of victimization. In an article named Learning from Adversity, Michael Brady described wisdom as a form of knowledge in which he defines as having the ability to choose. There was a point in time when I realized I was different. I realized I was different when I chose to trade in my barbies for hot wheels. I realized I was different when I chose playing in dirt instead of playing house. I realized I was different when I made the choice to decide who I am for myself. Margaret Little suggests when we try to make sense of people’s actions, that it is only through care that we can face our own conformation biases. In society today gender roles have and are still changing, challenging the traditional views of what women are supposed to do. Change means growth, and growth can be painful. I’ve learned to outgrow many things in my life, there is definitely power in redefining ourselves, altering the present, and constructing the future.. I’ve outgrown trying to please everyone else, I’ve outgrown shrinking myself for those intimidated by my outspoken personality, I’ve outgrown society telling me I’m not empowering, strong, intelligent, or brave. Truth is what you think about yourself is far more important than what others think of you and sometimes you will just be too much.. too much woman, too ambitious, too smart, too strong, too successful..
Bartky, S. L., & Rogers, M. F. (1996). Feeding egos and tending wounds: deference and disaffection in women’s emotional labor. Multicultural Experiences, Multicultural Theories, 261–273.
Brady, M.S. (2019). Learning from Adversity: Suffering and Wisdom. In: Candiotto, L. (eds) The Value of Emotions for Knowledge . Palgrave Macmillan, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-030-15667-1_9
Little, M. O. (1995). Seeing and Caring: The Role of Affect in Feminist Moral Epistemology. Hypatia, 10(3), 117–137. http://www.jstor.org/stable/3810240
I enjoyed your article. As parents of girls, we make it a point to expose our daughters to all life has to offer without limiting them to gender norms. For us this means that if they want toy cars or boats then we allow it, if they want to wear dresses to play outside we say go for it! We live in a world that is rapidly changing and long gone are they days of when women had to take a back seat in the world. However, in the quest for empowerment, we need not shame the women who embrace traditional roles. Similarly, being the backbone of a family can also be empowering. Empowerment, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder and is not always about masculine energy, but also embracing your femininity and feeling secure in who you are.